You've got to Soldier on.

• A caring, loving family (the best in the whole wide world!)
  
• Awesome supportive friends
• Healthy mind, body and soul
  
• Passions to brighten up my life
• I'm Awesome!
  

These are some of the things I remind myself of at the moment :)

For the past two years I had a best friend who was so much like me, yet so different at the same time. I was enlightened, and treated to times of abundant joy - as well as periods marked starkly by it's absence. I was challenged and pushed to my limits in nearly every way.

I loved and, in a way, was loved in return. But you must first love yourself before you can truly love another. And so I have learnt...

I have glimpsed into a whole new world with a depth I've never seen anywhere else.
But if you dig deep enough, it can get awfully dark - and you will be overwhelmed if you stay there too long.

So its time to move on, and I've got to Soldier on :)

A New Chapter?

I've taken quite an emotional beating recently. And subsequently my confidence has also sunken to depths not seen in a while. Always the (sometimes reluctant) optimist however, I do believe it will come back, in time.

Recently, my Grandma passed away. Initially I felt I had taken it quite well - but things really started to hit home when I got back to Christchurch. This is when all my memories started to flood back - seeing my family, the hangouts of my youth, Christchurch air, water. It's a magnificent place. And it was a truly beautiful ceremony. I was so honoured to be one of the lead pallbearers, as well as having the chance to say goodbye during the service. I will miss her so dearly. I just hope that I can make her proud.

When I got back to Auckland, other parts of my life began to unravel before me as well.
All I can say is that a feeling of helplessness has been over me for a while, and nothing lasts forever.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- Invictus, W.E. Henley